NovelSisters

watching, reading, and writing stories

Death is not the end

Hopefully I’m not ruining the new Avengers movie for anyone, but if you haven’t seen it and don’t want any spoilers, maybe you should wait to read this blog post, although I won’t give anything too specific away.

This last week has brought a lot of change for me and a lot of interaction with death and it’s nearness. Last week my grandma started getting hospice treatment. She started with still doing her normal routine of coming to the kitchen for breakfast, lunch and dinner. But she soon had a harder time walking to and from her room and then last Sunday we had her moved into a hospital bed and our nurse said she’s not leaving the bed. That was a big change for me. I didn’t realize how fast this was going to go. I knew she had liver cancer and she was slowing down and eating less, but going from walking to bedridden was a big step and seemed to happen too fast.

Since then we’ve learned all about caring for her while she’s in a bed, how to help her sit up and move around and get changed. And hospice has been great with helping us through that. But in only a week I’ve seen her go from a bit of conversation, eating, drinking and even playing dominoes, to barely responding to our voices and mostly sleeping. We’re getting close to the end now. Last night our nurse came to check on her and she said it’ll be about a week.

I’ve done a lot of crying, especially when all her kids and grandkids gathered to sing, pray and share stories with each other and her on Saturday. It’s hard to let go, but I know she’s going to a better place and this is not the end.

And well, in the middle of all this I saw Infinity War. In the movie a lot of characters die, but the first time I watched the movie I didn’t cry at all. It’s like I just knew this isn’t the end and there is hope, partially because there is a part 2 to this movie and the next one will probably have a lot or all of the characters come back to life.

But I just found it interesting that with the movie and my grandma I can still find hope even in the midst of the death. It is sad and I don’t want to say goodbye. But for those in Christ, we have a sure hope that there is a Part 2 for us too, that there is a future for us, one without pain or suffering, or death. I also was finishing reading Revelation this past week and it was so nice to read about the new heaven and new earth and what all I have to look forward to.

So in case anyone else out there is going through something similar. Here are two verses that are bringing me comfort.

“He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4

“And I heard a voice from heaven saying, ‘Write this: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on.’ ‘Blessed indeed,’ says the Spirit, ‘that they may rest from their labors, for their deeds follow them!'” Revelation 14:13

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One Step at a Time

This past week has been hard. Little by little my family has discovered what’s going on with my grandma. It started last Tuesday, right after my last post. I started noticing that my grandma was looking yellow. My mom thought it could be jaundice and told my grandma’s doctor. He quickly ordered a blood test and then we had to wait for the results.

The next day we got the results, my grandma was definitely jaundice and the doctor guessed it was from liver cancer. But he said we could run another type of scan to make sure it wasn’t something else. She got the scan Friday and we again had to wait for results. Meanwhile, my grandma’s 87th birthday was on Saturday and since it was highly likely this would be her last birthday, we went all out. Relatives came in from out of town, we had cake, pie, brisket, and huge balloons. I think my grandma enjoyed it, and I’m glad she hasn’t been in any pain.

Then Monday, while I was taking my mom to her eye appointment, she got the call from the doctor. He said the scan did show a growing mass on my grandma’s liver and at her age he wouldn’t recommend surgery or other cancer fighting options.

So now we’re looking into Hospice and that whole thing. It’s been weird trying to process all of this. Like part of me is just like everything’s normal and I go about my life and work routines. And in a sense I’ve actually been preparing for this for a long time. Ever since my grandma came to live with us, I’ve seen her slow decline in health; her slowing down, sleeping more, having less of an appetite, forgetting the day or time, or even people.

But having a doctor give us an actual diagnosis and timeline is different, it makes it more real, more important to spend time with her while she’s here. And some days I cry, but I know this happens to everyone eventually and that God will be with us through this too.

So anyway, I’m just taking this one step at a time. But I’d appreciate prayers for my grandma and family.

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